I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
