Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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