I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
