I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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