totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
