how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
