dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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