he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
