ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
