Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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