i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
