Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
