So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
