The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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