Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
