now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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