trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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