Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
