Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
