Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
