I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
