You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
