my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm both gender and math confused
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
