paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
