If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
