Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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