Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
