You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
