You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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