he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
