dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
