"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
