Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
