I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
