Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
