cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
