Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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