I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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