New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
