I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
