Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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