Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
