im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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