dude i'm inner monologue high
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
