Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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