This girl is more easily done than said...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
