i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
