Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he shaved USA in his pubs
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
