I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
