i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
