Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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